Distorted Connection vs Heartfelt Connection in Relationships:

As human beings in relationships with others, we all long for deep connections. More often than not, though, it gets distorted when the deep connection does come around. It turns into manipulation, control, mental grasping, lies, withdrawal, or over-giving. 

Yesterday, I happened to visit my journal from 8 years ago. In its pages, I saw a passage from my early twenties. I was trying to connect with the people around me, but at the time, I did not understand how I could have a deep connection with them. The only way I knew how to connect at the time was by trying very hard to seek their approval and ignoring my own needs. To change me for their attention, support, and love. Through this process, I lost myself. 

But here I am today. I now have a different understanding when I contemplate this longing for a deep connection. I know that a deep connection with people can only happen when I have a deep relationship with myself. When I can sit with myself, feel my feelings, and connect to what is authentic here within me. From that space, I fell in love with myself. The love and freedom I held for myself grew, and I could be present with whoever was in front of me. Able to have space for them with the intention to listen and connect to them. 

Looking back in contemplation on connection, there is a massive difference between my twenties and now. Now I can be aware of and see myself. I can connect when I am truthful with myself and honest with others. When I am not authentic, I know I need to stop and align my intention with my heart again. From there, I feel more fulfillment in the relationship with myself and others. 

Foods for Thought

How much freedom and heart-to-heart communication could we receive if each of us cultivated self-awareness around our defenses to avoid feeling vulnerable in connection with others?

 How would we feel if we could have more honest, heart-to-heart connections? How would the world change?
Kylie Dang